“Aarush fell down, please go and check” my wife screamed her throat out.
I ran upstairs and was surprise to see Aarush get up on his own and making his way back to playroom room.
As I was moving out of room I observed something, it was no normal room. It was my wife’s room. I let out small smile as I ran my hands on her old study table – dusty and small lamp – which I believe don’t work anymore. Tonnes of book lined up in shelves and her small bed covered with white sheet to save it from dust.
I sat on one of the sofa placed in front of French window and took deep breath.
Aarush left his soft toy Panda beneath bed as I bend down , I saw small box beneath. I safely lifted it up and sat on sofa again.
I blew on box to remove dust. It was small wooden box with “Udita A ” engraved on it. This has always been a mystery. This ‘A’ , She is no one new to me. We were childhood friends and now married but I never understood this A Factor. All her books had her name with A and hearts all over it.
I smiled and opened the box and read small letter which was there
Her handwriting – it was her handwriting. She use to write all my assignments in childhood and then different cities – different degrees – different dreams.
8 years later we met again , started dating and in 6 months we got married. In a year we had kid and now we were expecting second one.
Sometimes we don’t even realise how time flies.
I ran my fingers on letter and opened it.
Dear Aarush ,
This will be 127th letter I’m writing to you. Still waiting for your reply, I don’t know when you will reply. I still sit at same old park bench where we met for the last time before you met me and kissed my forehead and left for joining Army. Just to relieve those moments and then I walk down that lake where we went on our first date. It still looks so calm and refreshing. I miss you and your existence. I sit on same Marie-Go-Round where we met for the first time. Though that park is abandoned now, I still feel you and our laughs over there.
It took me 2 years to adjust with fact that you are dead now and you never received half of letters I sent. You tore me apart – almost killed me inside. Left my heart in pieces. Your death changed my life’s direction . I was clueless – what should I tell my parents , how will I convince myself that you won’t be there for me , ever. So many dreams we had – our kids name – where all we will go – our dreams – how our life will be and one news and just – I don’t know. I’m still sitting in my room cluelessly. Whether I should kill myself in one go or live on to die every night.
This probably going to be my last letter to you and maybe first you will never read. I loved you and I will love you – loving you will be only thing keeping me alive and I’m going to live this life – no matter how it treats me – I will fall in love again but you won’t stop existing in my life. Part of you will always stay in my life.
I’m getting married Aarush and I’m happy or I’m trying to be. He loves me and someday I will fall in love with him too and trust me someday when you will see us from those stars you will know I’m happy. Every time I will visit this house I will stand near one of those windows staring right outside wondering how life would’ve been if .. If you stayed , if I didn’t let you go but maybe your love for country was more than love you had for me.
But sweety love is huge word. I hope you are happy with me starting my new life.
With Love ,
I closed the letter and realized it was almost 9:00 pm. I wiped tears from my eyes and whole flashback came infront of my eyes. It was Aarush , our senior she was talking about- one who joined army and was shot at border.
That’s why she insisted in naming our kid Aarush , maybe that’s why she wants us to come to this city again and again , maybe that’s why she loves sitting on that bench after morning walks and that’s why she takes Aarush to that park again and again.
Some love stories end starts another set of love stories. My love for her just increased and respect ? Even more.
I was not shocked or unhappy. I was glad , glad I have her in my life. Maybe some secrets are soothing if they’re hidden. I went downstairs and saw Aarush sleeping on couch. I lifted him up and left him in his room. I came out and saw Udita standing near window , staring outside with one hand on her stomach – rubbing her tummy or our 7 month old baby. I hugged her from back “What?” she said I almost got excited and whispered in her ear “I’m glad I have you in my life” She smiled and kissed my hand “Me too love , me too”